Friday, 31 December 2010

Wider Reading | Further Thoughts on 'Are Games Art'? - Fallout: New Vegas

Black Isle Studios. Responsible, back in the distant mists of the late 90s, for some of the best-loved, geekiest and most unequivocally acclaimed video games of all time, and directly involved with quite a few others. One of their products, Torment, an offbeat, strangely epic game concerned with mortality and man’s ability to change, with a near-novelistic amount of writing, has been one of the pro-game primary witnesses in the on-going ‘are games art/destructive to our nation’s youth?’ debate.

And then there was Fallout (which itself stole much of its concept from an earlier game called Wasteland), which posited the idea of an America struggling to pick up the pieces some years after a Cold War-style nuclear holocaust. So instead of just having the usual Mad Max guys in leather with mohawks, you had societies and factions trying to create themselves in the image of former empires, sometimes comically. You had some quite clever ideas about how mankind would rebuild itself with a ‘fresh start’ that was in fact saturated with the cultural debris of a lost age. And you had a goofy, straight-faced spoof of 50s science fiction, an entire world built on the idea that ‘radiation makes things big and monstrous!’ is biological fact.

Real nuclear explosions are rarely quirky and fun.


Bethesda Softworks (No, I don’t know how to pronounce it either. Neither am I convinced that ‘Softworks’ is a real thing). Primarily known for ‘open world’ fantasy games that aspired to be as enormous and apparently endless as a virtual reality could be. Having acquired the rights to the Fallout series, they set about creating an ‘open world’ post-apocalyptic game. Enter Fallout 3, a critically acclaimed, massive grey blancmange of a title. Not too intelligent a blancmange either, sadly; the plot depended on the player chasing their father, a blandly benevolent Liam Neeson, about the (again, grey) wastelands near Washington DC, and getting caught up in the fight between some goodies and baddies. Just so we understand how bad the baddies are – their leader’s voiced by Malcolm McDowell.

Fallout 3 was exactly the sort of game that would make Roger Ebert shudder; a thoroughly detailed, dumb virtual reality world for nerds to vanish into and shoot the heads off things in slow motion, with great production values and star wattage, but without a great deal of character. It developed a huge following amongst a new generation of game-players.


Obsidian Entertainment. Much like a society from Fallout, this developer was formed from the remnants of the original Black Isle Studios after its dissolution and they’ve been living under the weight of that past ever since, turning out a mixture of obvious attempts to break into the mainstream and more ‘alternative’, thoughtful games. All of these, to date, have been heavily criticised for their bugs and technical issues. And, earlier this year, they were allowed to bring out New Vegas, the most recent Fallout title, which uses Fallout 3’s engine, which marketed itself on Bethesda's earlier game, to the extent that it was bloody hard for me to find decent pictures of it that didn't involve gratuituous, Borderlands-style violence or ridiculously big guns. With me so far?


It really is a political story with just as much emphasis on morality, diplomacy and smarts as adolescent shooting of monsters. No, honestly!


Good. Because, if you haven’t given up in confusion, I’d like to put New Vegas forward as another example of art. Not ‘Art’ with a capital A, but…y’know, just ‘art’. The main reason being that it takes that attention to detail, Bethesda’s effective imitation of a real world, and uses it to create a setting with the same level of detail, the same nuances and the same character as the best of our speculative fiction.


The game takes place in the territories around the partially rebuilt Las Vegas. To the east, you’ve got an occupying force of Ancient Rome-loving fanatics who keep order through slavery. Holding them off from the spectacular Hoover Dam are a kind of rag-tag peoples’ army, who any other game would be heroic. (Here, mostly due to being rag-tag and made up of ordinary people, they’re inefficient, disorganised and corrupt, in spite of their leaders' good intentions.) ‘New Vegas’ itself is kept independent by a wealthy autocrat, while the various casinos have become, effectively, noble houses, and the streets are kept safe by a benevolent gangster 'King' who continues the fine Las Vegas tradition of Elvis impersonation.



 
Essentially, there’s a McGuffin that may help to tip the balance of power in any one direction, and you play the poor schmo who’s hired to deliver it safely, and who gets shot by a petty criminal played by an extremely bored and/possibly or drugged-up Matthew Perry, then left for dead. You wake up, and the game begins. That’s the, er, ‘game’, and the ‘game for power’, as you travel the mind-bogglingly huge map, making allies or enemies of the various factions and trying to get your hands on that damned McGuffin so that, culminating in a battle for the city atop the dam. At heart, it’s a Sergio Leone-style cowboy story, and a far more characterful one than the directionless, amoral Red Dead Redemption.


It’s also flawed, in so, so many ways – aside from the aforementioned bugs, the engine itself isn’t built for heavy storytelling. All of the hundreds (thousands?) of people in the game are marvellous; they have their own daily routines, they sleep, they smoke cigarettes or type at computers when they feel like it…and then, when you try to talk to them, they stare straight at you, unmoving, and talk without any real sort of expression.


But let’s go back to that depth of detail, that personality that makes the game feel like a legitimate world. And it relates to an issue I’ve agonised over a little – Ebert’s argument that if art contains choice on the reader’s/player’s/what-have-you’s part, it cannot be art, because the choice itself is a game we want to win. New Vegas is detailed and nuanced enough – hell, if I’m going to use that dreadful word, it’s immersive enough – that in its best moments, the choice becomes an emotional or an intellectual one within the world, not a calculated one outside it.


Let me give a geeky, fangasming, spoiler-filled example; at a certain point in the plot, my character failed to kill Matthew Perry (I’m as upset as you are. But he could have died at that point, which would have altered the following section of the plot entirely) who high-tailed it off to the base of the Roman-loving ‘Legion’ to offer the McGuffin to them. Now, earlier on in the game, I’d happened to run into and make friends with a gruff sniper fellow whose wife had been made a slave by the Legion, and who had a serious, suicidal grudge against them as a result. I’d also discovered their habit of crucifying ill-doers in various bandit towns. And so, for some time, my sniper pal and I had been fighting a lonely war together against these tyrants, who saw us as their implacable enemies.


The leader of the Legion, however, decided at this point to try and bargain with my character, and sent word about a place where I could catch a ferry to his fortress to meet him. Had I done so, the two enemies could have formed a grudging alliance, with the commander offering the life of the captured Matthew Perry (the man who’d tried to kill my character, remember) and the McGuffin as a gift of friendship.


But that didn’t happen. Instead, as we reached the ferry spot, my sniper and I passed by a slave pen where ordinary people were being imprisoned for a life of servitude by these Roman nutters. Rebelling at the sight of that, we gunned down their captors and set them loose. Afterwards, we stepped into the ferry regardless to get that McGuffin back, but what could have been a genteel meeting with the leader had become a suicide-mission attack on the fort; my sniper pal told me, with a certain grim satisfaction, that we most likely wouldn’t get out alive. My character cheerfully replied that the Legion wouldn’t know what hit them, and off we went for our showdown.

I actually found my sniper friend in the mouth of this dinosaur, if you'll believe it. Good times.


All of this is in the game; none of it is LARPing or any other such nonsense. You make your choices - based largely on chance encounters - and the game, in general, responds to it with astounding depth and even emotional impact. It’s a testament to that same detail and character that New Vegas doesn’t come across simply as Civ-style ‘you have angered the Red Team! Now they attack you!’. And so, at least if you’re playing it once, you react to the storyline organically rather than, say, deciding to ‘do a bad-guy playthrough’.

This level of immersion is actually pretty scary (see how easily I kept slipping into ‘I’ instead of ‘my character’ back there?). But if games are going to continue getting bigger and more viable as an alternative to reality, we have to ask at least that they make the effort to dump us back in the world with a slightly heightened sense of ourselves, rather than giving us false-sense-of-accomplishment psychological highs for collecting all 100 crystals. Immersion with artistic responsibility, let’s call it. Which New Vegas, in its own twisted way, certainly has.


So it’s art. Maybe.

(I also have to thank New Vegas for introducing me to 'Big Iron', Marty Robbins' marvellously appropriate cowboy song that plays throughout the game, on a radio station hosted by none other than Wayne Newton, who - unlike that bastard Perry - has a ball with his voice-over. Also, here's the Verve's 'Virtual World', back from when they wrote funky, interesting psychedelic music.)

Wider Reading | Sex, Lust and Betrayal at Price Drop TV

Many critics have suggested that Dorothea Tanning's seminal The Friend's Room (1950-52) was conceived after a spell of profound melancholy that began when the artist narrowly missed a bargain purchase of a WiFi Dongle on BidUp.tv. The painting now serves as a profound reminder of why it can be dangerous to wait too long for the prices to decrease.

I know that I am not alone in my perverse fascination with Price Drop TV. It often puts me in mind of the butcher that used to set up his stall in Sutton market when I was a child. Through sheer charisma, showmanship and business acumen, that fat, cockney slaphead had the town eating out of his palm as he feigned last-minute price-cuts right before our very eyes. Think Al Murray with a cleaver.

I would often stop and watch this weekend high-street ritual, but I didn't realise what a special gift that man had until much later. He had a huge crowd gathered round him... eagerly waiting their turn to buy meat. In a town that sheepishly stares at the ground and shuffles past whilst buskers do their best to give away music.

Fast forward fifteen years and we have digital butchers punting digital meat. I am referring to Price Drop TV - a channel which follows a similar formula to QVC, but with an important twist; an obnoxious twit peddles a seemingly random selection of tack whilst the price gets lower the longer stocks last.



As a teacher, I feel a strange affinity for the washed-up redcoats that find themselves presenting Price Drop. Both jobs essentially involve a large amount of improv built around getting a group of people to do what you want. In my case, that would be doing work which in some way improves pupils' grasp of the English language, whereas with Price Drop that involves getting people to buy porcelain dolls and pepper grinders.

As any teacher will tell you though, any job which involves that much unscripted communication can leave us psychologically very vulnerable. We can't help it - our innermost thoughts and opinions have a habit of manifesting one way or another in the lessons we deliver. This is certainly the case with the monologues which we witness slewing from the soul-less faces of the Price Drop tat-peddlers.

Amidst the thinly veiled rhetorical fallacies and the baffling non-sequiturs, there is a very poorly hidden love rivalry on set at Price Drop TV. A truly riveting love-joust based around Far Mani, Paul Evers and the home-shopping personality that launched a thousand ships, Tori Campbell.


Now, Far Mani is objectively an awful salesman. He stops in the middle of sentences, he shouts, he says things like 'Lambretta are part of that whole mod culture that was knocking about around the same time as Paul Weller and Oasis'. He also fails to understand the way to make a Price Drop work. So, Far, read this and learn:

Step 1: Build up how amazing a product is.
Step 2: Get the audience used to the idea of the RRP as being not only fair, but a bit of a bargain.
Step 3: Feign surprise, maybe even a bit of disgust, when you then cut that price in half, allowing the audience to get away with a double bargain.
Step 4: Repeat.

That's it, Far. That is literally it. The world's most inept rhetorician could sell a set of Egyptian wool towels faster than you.

Objectively, Paul Evers is a much better salesman. He's a bit funny, he's calm, he doesn't have that desperate 'please buy my shit or I'll lose my job!' look in his eye and he clearly has a decent rapport with the rest of the crew; his weird bits of banter with the camera man and the music-guy are actually pretty entertaining. Imagine a British Jim Carrey who hasn't been to sleep in about three weeks.

Both of these salesmen have one tragic common factor however - an unrequited yearning for Tori Campbell. They would never dare to say as such, but it is there, plain as day. Tori is the glamour of the show... every five minutes or so the cameras will cut to a shot of her playing with one of the products that the viewer will be bidding for later.

Far and Paul cannot leave her alone.

Every other sentence is one reference or another to Tori. 'Tori, what do you think of these towels?' 'Tori, have you ever seen a crystal bowl as lovely as this?' 'Tori, do you have a hoover at home?' She's not even on camera. And as if to cover their tracks, they keep referring to her boyfriend. 'Oh Tori, you've got a feller haven't you?' 'Tori, does your boyfriend realise how lucky he is? Does he Tori? Tori!'

And there we have the Petrarchan lover of 2011.

Obviously this is by no means unique to home shopping channels. Falling for your colleagues is what makes us human. Over a long enough time-scale, any job becomes tedious and stressful enough that we must turn to our co-workers for some sense of sexual intrigue. To have all this played out before a live audience, under the tragic premise of selling mechanised whisks and cut price aftershave... if you think you can conceive of a better way to spend New Years' Eve then you're deluded.

Wishing you all a prosperous 2011

Phil Brown

Wednesday, 29 December 2010

Wider Reading | David Lynch Goes Electro

Writing about Guardian article: 
I don't know what I was expecting when I heard that David Lynch had released a single. I suppose part of me was thinking Aphex Twin. Or maybe some of that beautifully weird score we get so much of in Twin Peaks. What I wasn't expecting was this:

Good Day Today by threeminutesthirtyseconds

Honestly, it sounds like something that could be knocked up in Garage Band in twenty minutes. But then, as I have often been told when it comes to David Lynch, I just don't 'get it'. But does anybody else think it sounds like the batshit crazy Aussie animator Wendy Vainity?

Wider Reading | England Retain The Ashes

http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/video/2010/dec/29/cricket-ashes-england-victory-mcg

And what a fascinating little snippet the Guardian caught for us. Strauss has clearly so taken to heart the karmic strategy that 'When we give in to hubris, we immediately lose 5-0 next time around', and so he shrugs his shoulders with wonderful dourness and mutters something about working on their errors, strategising for the upcoming Sydney match, etc, etc.

And Ponting, with a heartbreaking little smile, hopes that he won't only be remembered as the man who lost those three series. Hugs for that man!

A lot of people don't seem to like Mitchell Johnson very much. I think it's at least partially because he looks a bit like Eli Roth, and it's all in the power of association. Poor fellow.


The England-Australia sporting rivalry's always seemed a bit odd to me. They hate - or pretend to hate - us because of colonialism and because we won't shut up about the whole convict thing. We reciprocate...because they're, generally speaking, better than we are? Do any Australians out there know when this fascinating battle of egos first began?

Ah, well. We've got that dinky little jar now, as well as more talented bowlers than you could shake a wicket at. I also have a theory that Jonathan Trott, bless his stubby bald little head, is secretly KP's deeply unfashionable polar-opposite-doppelganger (those exist, right?)

Monday, 27 December 2010

Wider Reading | Whistle and I'll Come to You

Once upon a time, the BBC had a tradition of dramatising an M.R. James ghost story every Christmas. Through various underhand means I have managed to get hold of every single one of these short films on DVD and, almost without fail, they are splendid pieces of drama.

James is one of the finest horror writers of all time, and during his prolific career he cultivated a formula for fear which just worked. The premise to his stories, almost invariably, is that we have a stuffy academic, full of scientific assurance of how the world works mixed with the sort of atheism one can accrue from spending a lifetime flitting between cities and academia.

This protagonist will arrogantly blunder into the countryside and stumble upon one pagan relic or another, upsetting forces which the locals know to leave alone. So begins the horrific erosion of our protagonist's scepticism as dark spirits conspire to take a life. Think Doctor Faustus meats The Wicker Man and you've more or less got M.R. James.

Amongst all of James' ghost stories, and indeed amongst all of their dramatisations, one stands out as the finest, and that is Whistle and I'll Come to You. If you have not seen the 1968 film of this, then watch it now, Michael Hordern's performance as the bumbling and beautiful Professor Parkins alone makes it worth watching.

So imagine my excitement when I heard that the B.B. bloody old C. were re-making Whistle and I'll Come to You this Christmas. With John 'the-only-reason-you-should-watch-the-film-of-1984' Hurt as the main character. Before you read what I have to say about the 2010 re-make, you might want to watch it for yourself.


Still here? OK, well between them, Neil Cross (the 'adaptor' of this story... that's right, they've credited him as a plug rather than a writer) and Andy de Emmony (director) have killed Whistle and I'll Come to You.

They don't realise how this could be the case though. They did everything by the book, didn't they? They kept the one bit everyone remembers from the original... an old man running away from a white blanket on a beach. They kept the loose premise... old bloke alone in a coastal hotel. And they added in some fool-proof fear elements didn't they? Like a creepy old woman... and a mysterious banging at the door... and a statue that you turn away from you only to find that OHMYFUCK it's turned back to face you!

So why is it that the 2010 re-make of Whistle and I'll Come to You is such a pube on the proverbial toilet seat of ghost stories? Well, firstly you will quickly notice that the film doesn't look anything like a ghost story. Take this shot here from the opening of the original:

Bleak, barren, intimidating, ageless, unforgiving. All in all, the exact place to set a British ghost story.

Now take this shot from de Emmony's version:


Scared, are you? No of course you're not, you're dealing with the colour palette of a tropical paradise. And this isn't just a colour vs. black and white thing; they could have made the mise-en-scene look vaguely ghostly quicker than you can say 'desaturate':


But when I find myself wanting to offer basic image-rendering advice to a director, I can't help but think that there must be something more to why I don't like a film than photography. One of the big things that irks me about this re-make is the director's perverse fetish for this door:


I am not exaggerating - this film contains almost three billion hours of footage of this door. I can see the chain of events in my mind:

***

Prop-Guy Steve: Hey Andy, I got that stuff you asked for.

Andy de Emmony: Ah cool, you got the spooky ring we find on the beach, 'cos what's the point in finding a whistle? I don't see why we should be expected to include whistles in this story, rings are in right now, what with Lord of the Rings, and The Ring and Captain Planet, and all that other trendy shit the kids are into now.

Prop-Guy Steve: Oh yeah, I got the ring. That ain't what I'm most proud of though...

Andy de Emmony: Oooh shit, I remember now, I asked you to get a creepy marble bust of some dude smiling. You get one of those? Don't worry if you can't, I'll just throw in more shots of the ring. That's a point actually, do you think it'd be cool to re-name this film 'Don't Pick Up The Ring'? Sounds more bad ass than that gay whistle thing, right?

Prop-Guy Steve: Yeah, I've got a creepy-as-fuck statue, don't worry about that. No, I've got something much, much better to show you.

Andy de Emmony: Steve, you're killing me, what is it?

Prop-Guy Steve: You know when you asked for a kinda creepy looking door?

Andy de Emmony: Yeah?

Prop-Guy Steve: Well tell me if this isn't the creepiest fucking door you've ever seen in your life!

Prop-Guy Steve pulls a large blanket off a fake door that looks like, if we're being honest, you paid a room full of teenage media-interns to design a 'creepy door' for a ghost story and they eagerly got to work having spent twenty minutes Googling pictures of haunted mansions.


Andy de Emmony: (literally jizzing everywhere) Oh my fucking god that is the scariest door I've ever seen. Right... I'm cutting out every possible bit of padding in this film and throwing in more shots of that absolutely bitchin' door. Oh god I'm gonna cry.

***



The most potent reason for this film not working however, is that John Hurt's character has been adapted into someone who does not belong in a ghost story. MR James' protagonists' are always entertainingly pretentious oafs who get their comeuppance for being so sceptical of forces beyond their understanding. As a result, the old dramatisations of these tales entertain us by letting us spend the first half scoffing at an idiot and the second half enjoying the idiot getting scared witless by the very forces he once mocked.

The 2010 version chooses to ladle on the sympathy. Hurt's protagonist is struggling to deal with his wife's dementia and the guilt that comes from putting her in a home. He is never happy, never doing anything but think of his poor (creepy) wife. Gone is the charming, manic incessant rambling of Michael Horden, dispelling superstitious types over the breakfast table as he shovels sausages into his mouth. In stead we have... well, just a poor miserable bloke.

We are not entertained by a creepy ghost story - we are given the tail of a man killed by his own guilt. Because he cannot stop his wife's Alzheimer's. By all means, tell this story, but don't dress it up as an MR James' adaptation, be honest with yourself and make it an episode of Casualty. An episode of Casualty which tries desperately hard in its final 50 seconds to make you believe that you have just been watching a certain Japanese horror film about a cursed video tape.

Sunday, 26 December 2010

Wider Reading | Why Peep Show Needs To Die

Peep Show’s going the way of The Simpsons. Instead of great episodes, we’re getting great bits enlivening structureless episodes. And by the standards of this patchy, patchy series (I may just never get over the horror of the fourth episode’s premise ‘Mark and Jeremy get stuck in a corridor’. That’s not a Peep Show episode. That’s something out of Friends, and even while Joey and Chandler were stuck in the corridor, Phoebe would be serenading a man with an embarrassing hairdo, Ross would be mistakenly considered gay by an effete co-worker, and Monica and Rachael would be fighting over a half-price wedding dress), the Christmas episode wasn’t bad at all. The jokes were often pretty standard – oh, no, the turkey’s undercooked! – but Bain and Armstrong did manage to get quite a bit of good, if sometimes over-exaggerated comedy out of tweaking the heroes’ characters, turning Mark into a control-freak Christmas-host fascist and Jeremy into a wide-eyed, determinedly innocent child.



Anyone else want to see David Mitchell playing a detective on ITV?


The first problem came with Dobby, in a scene that reminded me of what I think I’ve always known at heart; Sam and Jesse can’t write women as much more than the butt of a joke or a plot device, and in a show as decidedly acerbic as Peep Show, this means that they end up being (respectively) either irritating or a nymphomaniac. Sophie, Mark’s beloved through most of the series, ended up being both. It’s easy to forget how little personality she’s had throughout those first three series, when almost all we saw of her was through Mark’s panicked, delusional consciousness, and Olivia Colman’s role was to look shocked whenever he said or did something terrible. Then she was forced to participate actively in the plot, and she turned into the shrewish catalyst for every episode, forcing Mark into various upsetting activities…and then eventually creating the big, unbelievable three-way ‘who’s the father of my baby?” moment.


Dobby, so far, (and full credit to Isy Suttie’s oddly deep-voiced, burbling, energetic performance) has appeared to have a bit more substance to her. She’s a sort of all-round anti-mainstream nerd; a geek who outgeeks Mark thanks to a well-developed sense of detached irony.

But then we had the scene in that Christmas episode where she tried to harass Mark into watching FlashForward with her, which led to an amusing rant from him about these overwrought American drama series we like to obsess over. Hang on…Dobby being a Prison Break fanatic who’d rather sit at home watching supermodel-filled, mainstream-approved TV than, I don’t know, going out and LARPing? If she was going to pick anything, surely it’d be Doctor Who.


Sadly, it’s a case of characters being dragged out of character in order to work in a certain routine, a problem that recurred when Mark’s sister Sarah turned up - having apparently forgotten all the horrible things Jeremy did to her last time round - and spent the entire episode trying to have sex with him for no reason whatsoever. We were probably fortunate to get away without an appearance by the weirdly asexual, pretentious thicky Zahra, whose only redeeming features so far have been that ‘a demain’ joke and the fact that she’s not Elena, Jeremy’s love interest from the last series, who I can never remember being anything more than a stretched-out version of those Polish café waitresses from the Harry Enfield sketch. (Although, to be fair, the problems the show’s having with minor characters aren’t restricted entirely to women. How many more times are we going to have to see a gruff, controlling father/father-in-law with a mousy, sweet wife, before the end?)


This was Google's first image result for 'Peep Show'. Now, I don't mean to quibble, but there's no partition with viewing window separating the pink rabbits from their customers, so this should really be properly defined as a standard 'strip joint'.


The second major issue was one of basic structure. Peep Show, recently, seems to have been trying to award its two heroes victories in small doses. So while the majority of this Xmas episode was, in its own way, based on the classic ‘Mark’ formula (he attempts to interact with society, doing so with varying degrees of success until all the little lies, humiliations and embarrassments build and build until eventually something inside him snaps and he does something bizarre in public – bowling fruit, pretending to have a brain tumour, getting a knife out, ranting obscenities at a young man with a limp, etc.), the second half also attempted a much older, much more well-worn comedy structure. One baddy character – in this case, Mark’s dad - makes everyone’s lives miserable, until at last the hero mans up and tells them where to go. Everyone cheers! Even Sarah, whose sub-plot with Jeremy was swept curiously to one side by her sudden desire to play Pictionary.


The transition from a ‘Mark becomes Fuhrer Christmas’ storyline to a ‘Mark achieves Oedipal catharsis’ storyline was uncertain and messy, leaving swathes of plot unresolved (Couldn’t Mark, with his newfound courage, call Dobby and ask her to come back? Actually, while we’re on the subject, wasn’t the whole ‘refusing to admit she’s my girlfriend’ thing contrived and out of character as well, from a previously married man, even one as messed up as Mark?)

The episode’s worst crime I save till last; it did absolutely nothing funny with Super Hans. Well…maybe the line about Ratatouille. But that’s not enough, goddammit.

Before I actually watched this episode, I was treated to a Channel 4 documentary about Peep Show, in which Bain and Armstrong said that they reckoned they’d probably end it slightly after they should have done so, and then joked that perhaps this point had already been passed. I think it probably happened around the end of Season 4, if anybody’s keeping count. And, actually, as a huge fan of this show, I think I quite want it to die now. Otherwise it’s a long trudge downwards towards – as Troy McClure puts it – magic powers! Wedding after wedding after wedding! And did someone say, ‘long-lost triplets’?

Friday, 24 December 2010

Snow | Mini Essay | Claus-trophobia, by Tash Hodgson

He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness’ sake.
Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town, by J. Fred Coots and Haven Gillespie

Bringing her children up in a hopelessly Godless household, my mother was forced to call upon the eternal power of Father Christmas in order to keep us from turning feral. Not willing to have us exposed to the major faiths of the world but more than happy to spin us her own, hand-crafted psuedo-cult, we were told from a young age that Santa Claus – the hairy guy hoarding all the Sega Megadrives – was an all-seeing, all-knowing bad-man. She would have monthly, excessively loud phone conversations with him (charges reversed, obviously) in the kitchen, about how me and my brother ‘had been doing OK this year, but we’d have to see, wouldn’t we?’ as Joe and I looked on with terrified eyes, trying to figure out just how many stolen newsagent cola bottles constituted a lump of coal in place of Super Street Fighter. It was only when we got to the going-to-school age that I realised that our view of Father Christmas – a terrifying, malevolent phone-addict with great taste in computer games – wasn’t universal.

Of course, in Spain it’s the Three Kings, Gaspar, Melchoir and Balthazar, who dole out the presents and punishments. Three Sauron-esque overlords for the price of one. Mum would have bloody loved that, and I probably would have had a mental breakdown. In the Basque country it’s Olentzero, an overweight chap sporting a jaunty beret who comes bearing gifts – but he smokes a pipe, and Ma wouldn’t have been happy with him dirtying the curtains. Hungary would have been no good to her, as Father Christmas turns up on the 6th December and until Jesus arrives on the 24th there seems to be a terrifying 17-day no man’s land of suspended morality. She’d have to have been a fool to agree to such terms. In Latvia he brings a gift a day for the 12 days of Christmas (too much effort) and in Russia you’ve got the whole Orthodox Church calendar business to fuss about with. In Italy, we’d be dealing with generous old crone La Befana as well as big daddy C and in Austria it’s a Christ child (das Christkind) who does all the heavy lifting. She could have just stripped it down to the bare bones and pretended the fourth century Greek Bishop Saint Nicholas was going to throw some money through our windows, but to be honest, I grew up in Warrington; believing in flying reindeer was one thing, believing some bloke would throw something that wasn’t on fire through your window was entirely another.

In the end, it seemed I worshipped a mongrel deity formed of myth, legend, fact and (mother-spawned) fiction. A jolly, portly Englishman (hats off to the Ghost of Christmas Present) with large beard (thanks Odin), who sported a red cloak (copyright Coca Cola) and gave gifts hidden in stockings (see: Saint Nick). He definitely either comes from the North Pole (thank you American cartoonist Thomas Nast) or Lapland (an idea apparently originating in a 1920s children’s radio show that went by the cheerful name of Markus-sedän lastentunti, or ‘Children’s hour with Uncle Markus’). He, obviously, always had his phone to hand (mother Hodge) and tried to trick you by only asking for one carrot to be put out on Christmas eve when he really expected twelve – one for each reindeer (my own hyperventilating five-year-old paranoia that forced my mother to do an extra vegetable run on Christmas eve).

Will I be passing down this patchwork-dark-lord version to my own spawn, if and when they turn up? I’d love to say no. It would be lovely to believe that I could patrol my kids with nothing more than a guiding hand towards an innate sense of right and wrong, softly tempered by smiling generosity and devastating good looks. But I’m afraid newsagents worldwide would go bust from the explosion in shoplifting. Sorry kids. If it helps, I’ll make sure we stock up on carrots.

Tash Hodgson

Tash edits the splendid film review blog, Best For Film, which has been running a competition throughout December called ‘Write Christmas’ that I believe you’re still good to enter until midnight tonight. The idea is basically to compose a review of the greatest Christmas film never made. Further details here. Entries so far here. All of which are well worth a Christmas Eve read, especially Santassassin, The Wrong Kind Of Snow and Sand For Snow.

And with that, the final candied orange segment of our condensed week of seasonal content, Silkworms shuts up shop for a few days – although I daresay we might toss out a spot of Wider Reading content, like so much pantomime confectionary, between Boxing Day and New Year. See you in January 2011 everybody, and thank you all so much for contributing, commenting, illustrating, reading, listening, admiring, critiquing or at the very least acknowledging our existence over the past few months. Merry bloody Christmas,

James, Phil, Jon and Sam

Snow | Mixtape | Mixtape XVIII, White Whindie Hymnals


 
Music As Reading: Mixtape XVIII, White Whindie Hymnals

We went home to her place
and cooked up some chilli
Warmed us from the inside
'cause the outside was chilly


A simple proposition this week, as it’s Christmas Eve. The vast majority of guitar music can be split down the middle, based on whether it’s innately wintery or summery. This tape proves this fact via its simultaneous breadth and coherence – alongside some more subtle proofs that you’ll probably need the accompanying essay what I wrote to understand. They’re that subtle. This tape’s particular literary resonance? Well frankly, it’s not exactly glaring – mainly we just wanted to get these songs up on the site before Christmas Day. But there is something, which I’ll quote from the last paragraph of the aforementioned essay:

It makes me wonder whether it reflects badly on (guitar) music that it can be so tied to seasonal extremes, rather than the more sophisticated liminalities that so much literature and visual art seems to get its kicks out of.

Whatevs, they’re (almost) all wonderful songs for this time of year. Have a wonderful Christmas Eve everyone. Oh, and yes, the fact there are 24 tracks is deliberate, we’re going to rehash this list in December 2011 as a MUSICAL ADVENT CALENDAR. Won’t that be awesome?

1. For Emma – Bon Iver

2. White Winter Hymnal – Fleet Foxes

3. Sister Winter – Sufjan Stevens

4. The Cold Swedish Winter – Jens Lekman

5. Winter Dies – Midlake

6. Colorado – Grizzly Bear

7. White Tooth Man – Iron & Wine

8. She Came Home For Christmas – Mew

9. Hello To Nils – Peter Broderick

10. Mr Peterson – Perfume Genius

11. Silent City – Bonnie “Prince” Billy, Brian Harnetty

12. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus – The Ronettes

13. While I Shovel The Snow – The Walkmen

14. The Christmas Song – The Raveonettes

15. Mid-winter Songs: No. 5. Intercession In Late October – Morten Lauridsen

16. Magnum Mysterium – Morten Lauridsen

17. Helplessly Hoping – Crosby, Stills & Nash

18. Soft As Snow (But Warm Inside) – My Bloody Valentine

19. Halfway Home – TV On The Radio

20. Cover Me (Slowly) – Deerhunter

21. We Three Kings Of Orient Are – The Beach Boys

22. Girls In Their Summer Clothes (Winter Mix) – Bruce Springsteen

23. Summer Babe (Winter Version) – Pavement

24. Wait For The Wintertime – Yeasayer

Snow | Chapbook | Vol XLI, The Gingerbread Gang by Michael Frissore

 

Vol XLI, The Gingerbread Gang

Michael Frissore (24.12.10)

 

Merry Christmas! To celebrate here is 'The Gingerbread Gang'. A festive chapbook...well kind of, it features gingerbread. Go on, nibble.

Snow | Music | WHINDIE (Whimsy + Winter + Indie)

Can’t remember who it was, so I can’t credit them unfortunately, but a month or so ago, on Facebook (yeah, sorry, it’s going to one of those articles) somebody wrote something like the following…

the one upside to it being this cold: i can start listening to bon iver again

…and I was really bloody happy to see that somebody else saves up a certain type of music for the winter. This time two years ago, I spent the vast majority of December listening to Bon Iver, Fleet Foxes, Sufjan, Yeasayer, Jen Lekman and very little else. This time one year ago, it was Midlake, Grizzly Bear, Iron & Wine, Mew, Talons’, Jen Lekman and very little else. This year it’s been Peter Broderick, Perfume Genius, Bonnie 'Prince' Billy, Jens Lekman and very little else. For me, in short, an essential component of my cultural experience during the winter months, particularly those preceding Christmas, is a soundtrack of unambiguously wintery (and often enough, somewhat unchallenging) American and Canadian guitar music – both accompanying and redefining my romanticed notions of winter’s special poetry, loveliness, importance.

Now, a certain amount of this connection speaks for itself insofar as, say, Lekman’s Cold Swedish Winter…

We went home to her place
and cooked up some chilli
Warmed us from the inside
'cause the outside was chilly

…is, explicitly, a whimsical romanticisation of winter, whilst his being Swedish, along with Mew’s being Danish, Broderick being adopted Danish, Fleet Foxes being from snowy Washington state and so on, are all clear pointers as to why this music makes sense – is pleasurable to the point that it’s the only music worth listening to – in the colder months. But actually, a lot of the songs by the above artists explicitly about winter aren’t actually very much in love with it. ‘A man can be happy with the weather / As long as it doesn’t snow / There’s a price to pay for summertime,’ explain Yeasayer in Wait For The Wintertime, and as for Fleet Foxes:

I was following the pack
All swallowed in their coats
With scarves of red tied around their throats
To keep their little heads
From falling in the snow
And I turned around and there you go
And, Michael, you would fall
And turn the white snow red as strawberries
In the summertime

Bleak. Lyrically, anyway. But not aesthetically, which to me is a point far more important than apparently obvious lyrical or, I don’t know, geographical explanations: the reason for the connection between winter and a certain kind of music is about music, rather than ‘meaning'. For me, the way Phil Spector produced his glorious Christmas Album is much more Christmassy than its banal and, in the case of album highlight I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, frankly sinister lyrical content. All scratchily galloping Little Drummer Boy snares, backing vocals melting into strings and back again, layered instrumentals. It’s a winter sound that makes its way into Grizzly Bear, Sufjan, and many more besides.
I’m fudging together winter and Christmas here because it’s the easiest way – obviously they’re different things, in music and in life, but as a general rule most Christmassy American and Canadian guitar music fits into the winter music framework I’m trying to define, whilst most winter music doesn’t fit into whatever Christmas frameworks do exist. Incidentally, one shouldn’t underestimate the impact the OC and, more specifically, its Chrismukkah compilation has had upon the now entrenched relationship between commercialish indie music and a sorta kitch love of Christmas stuff. See Sufjan’s Songs for Christmas. See AV Undercover’s recent set of ‘holiday covers’ featuring bands like the Walkmen – who, you knows it OC fans, actually appeared in an episode of the show. The OC defined an entire generation’s relationship with alternative music. Underestimate the OC at your peril. Incidentally, the opening track on the Chrismukkah record is the Raveonette’s The Christmas Song which tries really, really hard to sound like a Spector creation. Just sayin.

Anyway, this aesthetic blueprint, this makes-sense-in-wintertime blueprint, what are its ingredients, beyond those contained within Phil Spectorism? Firstly, quietness – many of the artists I’ve mentioned already are solo outfits, many make creative use of silence, Peter Broderick’s pauses and Samuel Beam’s Iron & Wine whisper particularly good examples. And the association between winter and quiet isn’t too hard to work out – for me, the most striking thing about snow is the way it flattens urban noise into a cushioned, swaddled silence, as uncanny as it is wonderful. Second, a certain type of vocal, invariably layered into harmony, á la Bon Iver and Fleet Foxes, almost always male, yet frequently verging on falsetto – so King’s College’s Nine Lessons and Carols, then? Well perhaps that’s going a bit far. But the relationship between one of the most-sung strands of choral composition and winter is long-established and still going strong – think Morten Lauridsen’s O Magnum Mysterium, his Mid-winter Songs – and so it’s inevitable that other modes of music which adopt choral-ish tropes will appear, well, wintery. That’s what Fleet Foxes are like: choir boys.
Thirdly, there’s storytelling whimsy, a Christmas/winter tradition that has dominated Western culture from Sir Gawain and the Green Knight’s ‘Christmas game’ to Good King Wenceslas via the tradition of old wives’ winter’s tales immortalised by Shakespeare – who’s Mamillus warns us that ‘a sad tale’s best for winter,’ a notion adopted throughout, say, Perfume Genius’ particular take on meandering wintery songwriting. Here’s Mr Peterson:

He let me smoke weed in his truck
If I could convince him I loved him enough

He made me a tape of Joy Division
He told there was a part of him missing
When I was sixteen
He jumped off a building

In short, this thing I do, this thing I was so excited to see somebody else do, actually makes perfect sense, buys into existing seasonal cultural frameworks, traditions, trends – that were, indeed, erected and established in my cultural life at a ridiculously young age via weather patterns, carol services and 19th century poems like A Visit from St. Nicholas. Winterous indie music is a fact, not a thing. A prevalent fact, indeed. These ingredients are utilised by an enormous spectrum of bands, ranging from Crosby, Stills & Nash to My Bloody Valentine to TVOTR to Deerhunter via the Beach Boys. Make that half the Beach Boys – for a lot of their most well-known singles are, naturally, summertime tunes. And that Beach Boys dichotomy introduces us to the most compelling proof of wintery guitar music there is, the fact that there is a parallel strand of summery guitar music – one, indeed, that we all take for granted. Just one manifestation: that difficult to summarise genre we call surf that one can trace all the way through from Brian Wilson to Wavves.

The truth of this is evident in three examples: the fact that Springsteen released a single in 2008 called Girls In Their Summer Clothes – and then released a different mix that he felt the need to entitle Girls In Their Summer Clothes (Winter Mix) in order to differentiate it as a fundamentally different song. For as anybody who has seen The Promise will know, Bruce cares about production. And as Spector has taught us, production can be a basis of winterousness. Two, the fact Pavement did exactly the same with Summer Babe which, when it appeared on Slanted & Enchanted, became Summer Babe (Winter Version) to designate a completely different, wintery mix. And finally, the fact Yeasayer’s debut record All Hour Cymbals was constructed around a counterpointing pair of songs, Wait For The Summer and Wait For The Wintertime, each representing a checklist of the different components that made up the two strands they’d spend the rest of the record attempting to fuse – a lightly cascading sunny worldbeat on the one hand, frostily gothic walls of sound on the other.
It makes me wonder whether all (guitar) music can be broken down into wintery and summery headings. Whether it is indeed fair, as I suspect it is, to describe a label like Bella Union’s entire roster as winter bands – they put on a hell of a Christmas party after all. And this in turn makes me wonder whether it reflects badly on (guitar) music that it can be so tied to seasonal extremes, rather than the more sophisticated liminalities that so much literature and visual art seems to get its kicks out of. Oh wells, I’m still going to spend tomorrow (today) listening to as much of it as I possibly can whilst decorating my tree. Yeah, I decorate it on Christmas eve. That's what you're supposed to do.

God bless everyone,

Sam Kinchin-Smith
Music Editor

Thursday, 23 December 2010

Wider Reading | Yet Another Good Reason To Read Silkworms Daily

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-84202/How-silkworms-end-pain.html

Because if the Daily Mail says it, it must be true.

Ed. just want to point out that the obvious typo in that caption is the Daily Mail's, not Silkworms'.

Wider Reading | Respect and Obey Authority.

On today's 'Cute Yet Terrifying' Silkwatch, we have a video featuring a bunch of sweet, talented American kids who've put together a band and written a song for us. They're called X-TReMe PoWeR. Well, isn't that adorable-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WH13DY9HT1c



I don't know what to make of this. Really, I don't. Quite plausibly, it could be just an innocent song that's trying to express how kids should pay attention in class, and respect their parents, as the verses indicate...

...in which case it's just bad luck that these precocious youngsters have written a chorus that sounds like something out of Barney the Dinosaur's Ministry of Love. This couldn't be the New World Order's most ingenious attempt yet to indoctrinate us all, could it? Next they'll be teaching fluffy kittens to mewl 'Doubt Leads To Heresy' at you as you tickle their bellies.

And it's actually kind of catchy, as well. O-B-E-Y...

Snow | Fiction | There's Something Nasty Lurking In The Glacier

People flee into snowy places. There’s no other reason to venture there. That seems to be our main literary thesis. Frankenstein’s monster, Frankenstein himself, and Robert Walton are all running away to the wastes of the North Pole (the Creature himself, of course, finds a smaller, less well-fortified wilderness earlier in the book in the Alps) but the latter two both convince themselves falsely that they’re not fleeing so much as chasing something.





The other obvious association is that snowy places are dwelling-places for the uncanny. Frankenstein is an amusing exception to the rule, because while our first suspicion during Walton’s framing device is that something weird lurks in the fog and the ice, the Creature actually originates from a seat of learning and culture in the midst of European civilised society. For most of our uncanny literature, though, that theme is played straight. Consider the presence of ice and snow in 'The Rime of the Ancient Mariner' as the gateway to the otherworld, the natural torment that leads to unnatural torments. In one sense, this is simply practical; the snowy landscape is, as should be made clear by the number of Stephen King novels set there and the number of B-movies and B-novels in which an alien craft crashes there, a perfectly isolated and frightening setting for horror. But consider the way the uncanny seeps into otherwise realistic thrillers as soon as they venture into the snow-filled wilds – Peter Hoeg’s Miss Smilla’s Feeling For Snow, for example, or Lionel Davidson’s Kolymsky Heights (and for those of you keeping track of just how ridiculous a piece of literary genre fiction can get while still being acclaimed – SPOILERS -, that’s one count of ‘alien parasite inside a fallen meteorite’ and one count of ‘talking apes at a Soviet research facility.)


All of this intrigues me in part because of the upcoming movie version of Lovecraft’s At The Mountains of Madness – for my money, the best story by old H.P., which is going to be made by James Cameron and Guillermo del Toro and has, therefore, both the most suitable and utterly unsuitable team behind it that anyone could hope for. Suitable because both of them know how to make damn good, memorable sets, and you think they’d be able to capture the weirdness of an ice-filled land effectively. Unsuitable because…both of them really, really like monsters, and they like to try and capture those monsters visually, which is the wrong approach for any Lovecraftian tale and especially for Mountains, which barely contains any visual monstrosities at all, especially not living. The horror has to come from the alien purity of the snow itself, the twisted reflections of the ice, the white fog that conceals the world around you, the empty flats and the bottomless crevasses. (All right, and the penguins. The horror partly comes from the penguins.)

The black pit! The carven ring...the proto-Shoggoths, the windowless solids with five dimensions!


No, if an adaptation of Mountains is going to work, it requires the spirit of my favourite cryptid – certainly the one with the best name – Am Fear Liath Mor, the Gaelic term for the sense of unease experienced by lonely climbers in harsh mountains; the belief that one is being followed by an unseen presence, or even the flitting glimpse of a humanoid figure. Fear Liath has been, very obviously, connected with the legend of the yeti, and it’s been attributed to loneliness, exhaustion, the effects of high altitude or low temperatures, or the reflection of sunlight off snow or low-lying mist.


It could, conceivably, be an explanation for the fascinating Dyatlov Pass Incident from the late 50s, when nine skiers in the Ural Mountains were discovered to have torn themselves forcibly out of their tent in the middle of the night, as if in a sudden panic, and ran out into the woods in their underclothes. They scattered into the trees, refusing for some unknown reason to return to the shelter of their tent, until eventually they died from the cold. No footprints were found other than theirs. Chilling details began to emerge later, such as that one of the women had had her tongue removed, and that several of the men were heavily bruised, as if they’d been struck by an unknown force. There were plenty of obvious explanations – small carnivores are plentiful, the men could have tripped and injured themselves – but it remains one of the 20th century’s most genuinely intriguing real-life cases of the uncanny.

The slashed tent.


This, perhaps, is snow’s appropriateness for horror – a landscape designed as if by nature to confuse and unsettle us, playing sensual tricks on us, distorting our perceptions, in much the same way that dilapidated old ‘haunted houses’ sometimes have carbon monoxide leaks. A natural world that appears very much to be unnatural, the sense that we are not alone in the loneliest of places. The horrid state of mind, in fact, that connects the Ancient Mariner with Frankenstein, encapsulated by the lines which purportedly caused Percy Shelley to faint in utter terror;


“Like one, that on a lonesome road


Doth walk in fear and dread,


And having once turned round walks on,


And turns no more his head;


Because he knows, a frightful fiend


Doth close behind him tread.”


A very happy Christmas to you all.


Jon Ware
Fiction Editor

Wednesday, 22 December 2010

Snow | Poetry | Woods for the Trees




I will be writing today about Robert Frost’s most famous poem, which most of us have encountered at one point or another. But for anyone who doesn’t know the poem, here it is:

Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

-Robert Frost

I have started playing the guitar again recently, after having fallen out of practice for about a year. As a result, the tips of my fingers are in pain from pressing on the strings. This is because I have a job that does not allow a lot of time for sitting in my bedroom playing the guitar.

Our lives are structured in a way that force us to prioritise.

Wake up. Eat. Go to work. Eat. Do some more work. Go home. Eat. Go to sleep. Here are the imperatives.

Have friends. Find a soulmate. Go on holiday. Try and get your five a day. Keep an eye out for promotion opportunities. These are some of the optional add-ons.

So in this hierarchy, where does playing the guitar fit in? Honestly, it doesn’t unless you force yourself to ignore life’s limitless flowcharts. Learning a new chord or buying a new plectrum will not go anyway towards you landing the Henderson account down at the office, nor will it improve your diet. So why do we play the guitar?

This is an idea that Frost wrestles with in Stopping by Woods. He only feels able to stop and admire the woods that he passes through because the person who owns them ‘will not see me stopping here / to see his woods fill up with snow’. If he is caught stopping here, he will not be prosecuted, but he will probably be asked to give some sort of logical reason for why he has stopped on his treacherous journey through the snow to admire the view.

The most important character is the horse though. ‘He gives his harness bells a shake/ to ask if there is some mistake’. The horse sees no viability in stopping ‘without a farmhouse near’ to simply wallow in the beauty of the situation. If we take the horse for an emblem of animal nature, then Frost is presenting the idea that art goes against our very nature, in the hunter-gatherer sense.

What Frost is really wrestling with here is the tension between practical and spiritual necessities. It is an idea that is blanketing Britain at this very moment. As a country we are being pulled between the aesthetic beauty of a snow-glazed landscape and the practical and financial impediment of frozen travel-routes.



The horse has no need of poetry, nor does the man whose house is in the village. To read and write poems is to stop and think over the very nature of stopping and thinking. It is to take something perilous and get caught up in how pretty it is. And, of course, the world would stop functioning as it currently does if we all indulged this side of ourselves. If every office-worker, bus-driver, police-officer and doctor stopped on their way to work to admire the ‘easy wind and downy flake’ then there is no argument that deaths would be caused.

Frost knows this, which is why he makes good on his ‘promises to keep’. He would love to spend the night exploring the ‘lovely, dark and deep’ forests, but knows that life’s obligations are about more than stopping and taking in a nice view. Yet he does stop for long enough to plant the seed for his poem in his mind.

This is why the poetry section of every bookshop is small but non-existent. If we had no use for that side of our brain that just wants something beautiful to think about then there would be no poetry sections. Anywhere. But the point that Frost alludes to is that we need that balance. We need that small corner of entirely inefficient, solitary thought where we can just wallow in what words are capable of when we swirl them in the petri-dish.

Do we not also get the sense that what Frost is really relishing is the absence of all other people in this scene? The horse is pulling him back towards the village, certainly, but Frost is fleetingly, truly happy when left with nothing but the sound of ‘the sweep of easy wind and downy flake’. This is the instant that gives him the idea for the poem. In solitude. Uninterrupted.

He knows that soon he will have to return to the world of people, people to whom he has made ‘promises’, but he has enjoyed this moment’s rest from it all. It is a difficult choice for him to make though – so difficult in fact that he has to repeat his justification in the penultimate and final lines. He longs to sever his obligations and explore the woods, yet he knows that he must think practically.

If we take the ‘woods’ here to mean the creative process, then Frost is beautifully encapsulating the life of a writer. If he allowed himself to fully enter the woods and leave the world behind, then his work would have no basis in a world that any audience would understand. If he does not spend time with other people, then he will never be able to write as one of them.



People love this poem because it’s easy to remember; the rhyme of the third line of each quatrain reminds you how the next one will start. People love it because the final quatrain has enough of the gothic fairytale about it to capture the dullest of imaginations. People love it because Quentin Tarantino cack-handedly shoe-horned it into Death Proof.

I love this poem because it shows Robert Frost lying in the bed that he has made for himself, and still managing to give us one of the most beautiful pieces of writing in the English language.

Seasons Greetings,

Phil Brown
Poetry Editor